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| Stratford Chase Should Burn In Hell |
| 09.28.04 (5:57 am) [edit] |
Hey all. I actually have a few moments to rant, so this might be long one. Sit back, grab a beer or three, and enjoy the past few weeks of built-up bile and hate.
[b]Doug the Effeminate Leasing Agent[/b]
Alright, I finally settled down and moved in with my girlfriend. It's a big step, but I'm ready and it's working out. Make all the "domesticated"/"pussy whip" comments you want. Once you find the right one, it rocks. Not enough to tame my anger and spite, but it makes things easier on my ulcers.
Anyway, my girlfriend and I were apartment hunting two weekends ago. We had a list of different townhomes that offered good deals and were in a close proximity to her new job. We woke up bright and early, anxious to find a new home...
... only to find that leasing offices don't open till 10 or 12 on weekends. So, I'm already pissed at being up this early for jackshit. We decide to drive past a couple of the places on our list to see what they look like.
Several of them read good online, and offered great amenities like a finished basement/2 baths/heated pool/etc. But, what the listing FAILED to mention is the fact they were situated right beside a major highway or in a fucking ghetto. Buyer beware indeed.
After waiting till noon, we went to the first place on our revised list: [b]Stratford Chase Townhomes[/b]. This place looked fucking awesome: huge pool, hot tub, big-ass rentable clubhouse. The leasing agent, Doug, approached us and offered to give us a tour.
Let me explain this fruitcake. He's wearing a peach-colored shirt that's too small for his gut. He says the gayest shit, but throws in some "manly" comments and nudges me. I'm not buying it, fag. I don't care what the wedding band is supposed to mean, or the fact that your "kids" love it here. You smoke pole.
The places were really nice, and Doug was a good salesman. He didn't pressure, he didn't try to make us decide on the spot. We found out later this is because he has no fucking business sense at all.
We went to a couple of other places, all within the same price range but with different amenities. One place had a finished basement, but was modeled in 1954 or some shit. Haggard ass appliances and carpeting straight out of [u]Leave It To Beaver[/u]. Another place offered a brand new washer/dryer set we got to keep when we moved out.... but we had to sign a lease THAT day.
I hate being pressured, and I hate peppy people. This girl, Brandee (the extra e annoyed me too), was all about moving us in that day. The rent was a bit higher than [b]Stratford[/b], and the pool/fitness center sucked. Plus, the fact that we couldn't get a break after we left the place pissed me off too. The best part? She didn't even have a model to show us! We were supposed to "imagine" what it would look like, based on a garden apartment floor plan.
Hey, Brandee... imagine me leaving... oh wait, you can actually watch me do that. Fuck off.
In the end, Doug and his weird ways had kind of grown on us. We went back, excited to sign a lease and get moved in that following weekend. Doug let us look at the two open apartments. They were both nice. One had better appliances so we opted for it. There were a few issues though, that we mentioned to Doug.
[b]1. Huge fucking gashes in the bathroom vinyl floor. Like some angry fuck had just stabbed the hell out of it.[/b]
[b]2. Broken tiles in the front entryway. Nothing major, just an eyesore.[/b]
[b]3. The door to the garage was hard to open. Almost like it was fighting you.[/b]
Doug promised to have it all fixed before we moved in. We signed our applications and paid $50. That's the most ignorant part of these deals. The fact that we pay them to check our credit. I can do that shit online for free, assclowns.
Fast forward to Wednesday of two weeks ago. I get a disturbing call from my girl. She's crying because there's an issue with the apartment. The lady who works during the week can't find out shit, because Doug is a fuck-up who misplaces shit. We finally get that settled, but only after an angering phone call to this bitch, [i]Tammy Lynn.[/i]
[i]Tammy Lynn[/i], if you ever read this or hear about this, I really hope you fucking choke on something and die. A cock, a knife, a gun barrel... whatever. You do NOT interrupt me when I'm trying to ask you a question. You do NOT cut me off when I'm being friendly on the phone. You want me pissed off? You found the quickest route, you stupid bitch.
We get this settled and I think everything's gonna be alright. They call back a couple of days later and say we're ready to move in. I have my girl call this place again, to make GODDAMN sure that they fix the things that are wrong BEFORE we move in.
My girl calls back crying and pissed. This bitch, Tammy [i]Lynn[/i], says that they won't replace the vinyl because it will "raise the value of the apartment". If they DO fix the shit, they'll raise our rent.
Yeah... take a breath...
[b]WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE? VINYL FLOOR IS NOT A FUCKING AMENITY! IT'S A GODDAMN PART OF THE APARTMENT! YOU DON'T CHARGE PEOPLE TO FIX WHAT'S WRONG WITH A PLACE BEFORE THEY FUCKING MOVE IN![/b]
We scream and bitch at this whore about Doug's promises. She says he doesn't know the rules.
Now we're fucked. We needed to move her in THAT weekend, and [b]Stratford[/b] had us. I told my girl to go look for apartments that day, taking all the necessary essentials. We focused on [b]Stratford[/b]'s nemesis, Fieldstone Trace. It's located RIGHT behind [b]Stratford[/b], and was built by the same condo company.
Fast forward to today. Fieldstone Trace gave us a washer/dryer for free to keep; memberships to the Westerville Fitness Center; money-saving coupons for rent; and the fact that we save $50 if we pay rent on the first.
Needless to say, [b]Stratford Chase [/b]can fuck off. Doug called up and apologized, saying he could get the vinyl replaced for free if we'd only come back.
Doug, you cocksucking homo, shut the fuck up. I pity anyone who bought your lispy lies and actually moved into that piece of shit. They're probably paying out the ass right now for shit they shouldn't have to.
[b]STRATFORD CHASE IS A FUCKING LYING RIPOFF.[/b] Tell all your friends if they live in Columbus and are looking for a place.
***
Damn, this was longer than I thought it would be. I'll have to rant about my shitty job tonight.
-trevordanger-
[i]PS - Our friend Trent Steel has hooked up with a young filly, even going so far as to take a weekend in Jersey with her... details arriving soon.[/i]
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| I'm Still Kickin' |
| 09.16.04 (5:20 pm) [edit] |
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Hey all,
It's been about a month, but there is a few rants brewing... just in the middle of moving and shit's too hectic right now. Trust me, though, I've had plenty to be pissed about. Here's a little teaser of some upcoming topics:
1. Doug, the effeminate lying leasing agent and his faggoty peach shirt.
2. My company assraping me for little to no pay.
3. How To Spot A Douchebag (Look for the "W" sticker)
I'm out, but I'll be back soon. In the meantime, know I hate you.
-trevordanger-
PS - It seems our friend Trent Steel has found himself a lady... we're all interested to hear how this one's gonna turn out. Probably in homicide.
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